Editor’s note: This is the inaugural installment of High Concept, our new pot-advice column. The idea is this: Every week we look at the arrest reports and police logs and we notice that it seems like every third person is getting busted for having weed in their car or smoking up in public. Lawmakers in many states are pushing to legalize marijuana, in some cases to solve major budget problems, or at least to deter the menace of the Mexican drug trade. And pot is thought to be America’s biggest cash crop, despite the ongoing war on drugs. And that’s beating things like soy beans, corn and tobacco. So, obviously loads of people smoke the stuff. Maybe even you. We thought it made sense to start a column to address questions of all the smokers out there. We’re hoping the advice will be entertaining, but also useful and informative. Feel free to shoot questions about pot culture, about marijuana and health, about the law, about science and medicine, about weed quality and trends. Send your questions to email@example.com.
Sometimes I like to smoke really cheap dope, because it seems like the paralyzing effects of paranoia are lessened this way. Is there any logic to that or am I just trying to justify being a tight ass?
You’re just trying to justify being a tight ass. Cheap weed works OK in a pinch, but settling for something of lower quality inevitably leads to disappointment in the long run. Smoking oregano won’t make you paranoid either, but what’s the point? My suggestion here would be to give the good stuff another try, but to be a little bit more careful about how much you smoke. Better quality weed yields a smoother overall high, but if it paralyzes you with fear, then you’re probably just inhaling too much. This is especially true if you’re used to smoking schwag and taking 10 deep hits before feeling the effects. You don’t need to do this with the high-grade stuff, unless you’re embarrassed that your friends will all find out that you’re a one-hit-wonder. It’s nothing to be ashamed of though, because the less smoke that enters your lungs, the less the health risks that come along with lighting anything on fire and breathing it in, and the less cash you will ultimately spend.
Why does weed make even bad music sound so amazing?
Weed makes just about everything, in all of existence, more enjoyable. All people, places and things go up a couple of notches on the interesting-o-meter. Colors become brighter. Ben & Jerry’s tastes tastier and is more fun to eat. “Family Guy” becomes that much more hilarious. And yes, even bad music sounds quite a bit better.
The dry college textbook reason for this is that THC binds with cannabinoid receptors in one’s brain, tricking neurons into making one think that happy things are happening that are not in fact happening. The affected brain regions are those that regulate pleasure, time-perception, taste and music criticism, among other things.
But now let’s consider the fact that so-called “bad music” isn’t inherently bad to begin with. Throughout life, we acquire hang-ups. THC can help us see the beauty in things we didn’t even know we could enjoy. And if something subjective, like a song, SEEMS better, doesn’t that mean it IS better? It’s a matter of perception. If we get pleasure out of a work of art, then that’s all there is to it. There’s no need for further examination. The art has fulfilled its purpose. The overall amount of happiness floating around in the ether is greater than it would have been otherwise.
My boyfriend doesn’t smoke weed because he is a Republican. How can I make smoking more appealing to his Republican nature?
As a supporter of a free market and individual achievement, your boyfriend’s sparking up would be encouragement for a self-starting business owner to thrive. And if he believes in small government, why shouldn’t he support total legalization, giving each person the right to choose whether or not to smoke without the government getting involved? Using taxpayer money to enforce the ban of a naturally growing plant seems like a very anti-Republican idea at heart. Besides, then all the money freed up by ending the War on Drugs could be used for other despicable things, like bombing innocent people in other countries, forcing women to have babies they can’t take care of and force-feeding biblical fairytales as fact in public schools. At the end of a long day, your boyfriend should be able to pack a bowl, sit back and bask in self-satisfaction, knowing that he’s made the country a better place for those Americans who were already rich, white and Christian.