By Nick Keppler
10:10 AM EDT, April 4, 2012
Southington real estate agent Christian Bedard allegedly demanded an SUV to keep quiet about all the gay sex he says he had with Minnesota Twins pitcher Carl Pavano. Bedard allegedly sent a message, via Facebook, to the MLB player's sister, threatening to write a tell-all memoir about the love affair the two men supposedly shared when they were students at Southington High School. "[T]he only way your brother is getting out of this … is with a heartfelt apology and a navy Range Rover with [a] tan leather [interior]," he wrote, according to police documents glimpsed by the Record-Journal of Meriden. Bedard says Pavano's sister preemptively contacted him about buying his silence and he was just joking about the Range Rover.
Barbara Cadranel of Stratford says her condo association is fining her $50 a day for the mezuzah attached to her doorframe. A mezuzah is a tiny case (usually about two inches) containing a scroll of Torah verses and is required on doorframes under some systems of rabbinical law (or, to put it succinctly, it's a Jewish thing). Cadranel says it's an important part of her faith and told the Hartford Courant she feels "bullied." The condo association insists it's just enforcing its rules about exterior decorations. A Courant photographer who was in the building snapped images of larger crosses and Easter decorations on other doors. The association says objects on doors are allowed but those affixed to doorframes are (for some reason) not.
Some of Gov. Dannel Malloy's new "luxury" taxes are totally racist, according to the Korean-American Society. The group held a demonstration in Hartford to protest a proposed 6-percent tax on manicures, pedicures, waxing and facials, reports the Courant. The group argues that the bill amounts to racial bias because it will hit nail salons, 90 percent of which, in Connecticut, are owned by people of Korean descent, but does not tax specialty hair services, like dye jobs and perms, which are apparently more often done by people of other races. So governor, your failure to immediately associate nail salons with Asians has turned you into a bigot.
Mike Lawlor, a criminal justice official in Gov. Malloy's administration and former state representative, thought it would be hilarious to tweet that state Rep. Steve Dargan had been hospitalized in a car accident as an April Fools prank, a non-fact that several news outlets picked up. Dargan, a Democrat from West Haven, told the New Haven Register that Lawlor was getting back at him for a previous April 1 gag in which he sent a mass text message claiming Lawlor had been horrifically injured. (U.S. Rep. Rosa DeLauro even sent flowers!) We'd like to note that these are grown men who play roles in governing our state.
VIP, a self-described "adult superstore" in Orange, requested the assistance of police to free a customer who accidentally got himself locked in a pair of the store's handcuffs. Officers tried several handcuff keys from the store but none worked. Finally, they decided to take the man to headquarters where they planned to use a lubricant to slip his hands free. (Obvious joke: If lube was all they needed why not stay at VIP?) The incident, which lasted "exactly" one hour according to the Register, ended when police used a bolt cutter on the cuffs.
It is illegal for police departments to institute quotas for how many tickets its officers must issue, and a Connecticut State Police spokesperson says that is not what's happening in Troop I, headquartered in Bethany, despite a staff memo, obtained by WTNH, stating that "we have to issue at least 60 infractions/misdemeanors each shift for a total of 180" in one day. The memo was apparently meant to encourage Troop I to match or beat other troops' recent one-day totals (and as an extra incentive, pizza was offered to the shift that issued the most tickets).
Some folks in East Hartford have entered into a covenant with Satan. In a wooded area behind Town Hall, police found coins, a recently slaughtered sheep and candles arranged in a circle. Witnesses told NBC Connecticut they saw two women, dressed in white, leading the sheep into the area. This ritualized animal abuse either opened the gates to Hell or amused a couple of dipshit teenagers who had run out ofGeorge A. Romero movies on Netflix.
There is a young man in Bridgeport who needs better friends. The Connecticut Post reports that a woman called police to report a guy at a house party near Sacred Heart University was continuing to vomit after he had passed out. That call was apparently the only gesture of concern for him. Police say most partygoers stood around taking photos of the vomiter and some even tried to block officers from entering the house.
Someone made the strange decision to impersonate a reporter for the Newtown Bee, the community newspaper of the 28,000-strong borough of Newtown. Another paper, the Danbury News-Times, reports the "scruffy-looking" 60-something man interviewed people and took photos outside a matinee movie at Town Hall while claiming to be a Bee reporter but fled when an actual writer for the paper arrived on the scene.
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