By Chris Burns
4:50 PM EST, January 31, 2013
Valentines day sucks for men. This is not to say that it might not suck for women, but REALLY, it sucks for men as well. The ode to St. Valentine’s day can be just as tortuous for us as it is for a fourteen year old girl in her awkward stage.
Consider this: we’re either forced to buy a $300 meal for a girlfriend (in honor of a Catholic saint, which presents a whole other issue if you met her on JDate) or we get stuck at a dive-bar wishing we had a nice Jewish girlfriend to spend a blasphemous $300 on.
But don’t fret, fellow soon-to-be-broke or single men, The Hartford Advocate has been keeping an eye out on Valentines Day for quite a few months now. After poring through hundreds, if not thousands, of February 14th events, we’ve found a fine piece of entertainment for every schlub in the city.
Got a Girlfriend?
Intimate Science Exhibit at Real Art Ways
Heading to downtown Hartford for a nice meal on V-day? Does your girlfriend wear thick rimmed glasses and bright purple pants? Why not fork up an extra $6 and check out Real Art Way’s Intimate Science exhibit. It features everything from architectural fungi, to genetically hacked (and trademarked) flowers.
Need to Relax?
Free Sahaja Meditation Lessons
What better way to rekindle the fire in your relationship than to offer the lady a keen conversation with her own deepest soul? Just quietly pretend like you have a voice down there and grin peacefully for an hour.
Cavey’s French Restaurant
Show off your inner globe-trotter and grab a reservation at Cavey’s, about 20 minutes outside of Hartford. You might not be able to afford a ticket to Paris, but its food is a good first step.
She Wears the Pants
Rent-It-Now Ferrari Rental
If you automatically reached for the passenger side door after your lady finished shoveling your driveway before work, this date is for you. It’s time to reward her hard work with nothing other than a sweet super-car rental. Note: you’re going to want to drive, but you can’t.
Karaoke at the Meeting House Pub
What better way to meet a midnight valentine than by embarrassing yourself in front of drunkenly depressed women? And, hey, if you actually have a voice, this place gives out cash prizes for the best singer.
Blues Jam Session at Good Life Cafe
If you’ve got some blues in your bones from a lonely Valentines day (and some guitar chops), take it out with Burt Teague at the Good Life Cafe. Just be warned, everyone knows that don’t nobody leave without playing the blues.
Win Big at Foxwoods
Your lady-luck has been bad enough lately, but maybe your gambling luck has been a bit underused since you entered that partnerless depression a few years ago. Go for the jackpot, and you could wake up with more than a few gold-diggers, at least.
You Are The Only One With Pants
Rent-It-Now Ferrari Rental
It’s not like you have to spend any money on your nonexistent girlfriend this year.! Why not splurge and get yourself a few hours of feeling like a recent powerball winner?
Copyright © 2014, WTXX-TV