In recent weeks, we’ve heard about potential shortages in the bacon and maple syrup industries. Now, another classic food product has been affected: the Starbucks Pumpkin Latte. Unlike other food shortages, this lack of lattes isn’t due to global warming, natural disaster or shipping costs. It’s because they’re too damn popular. The following quotes are from the Wall Street Journal, and by the way, I checked probably 15 times to make sure this article wasn’t originally from The Onion.
"My world almost ended this morning when the local Starbucks told me they were out of Pumpkin Spice Latte," tweeted Jason Sizemore, 38 years old, of Lexington, Ky.
Cynthia Smalls, a barista at a midtown Manhattan Starbucks, said steamed customers have grown emotional on days her location runs out of pumpkin sauce. "They go crazy. The day we first found out we had a shortage, forget it," she said.
The desperation is such that some have turned to a new instant version of the latte. But stores are running out of the powdered stuff too, and prices are shooting up on the secondary market.
I've already began preparing for the coming pump-pocalyse. I built a bunker in my backyard and stocked it with the essentials: pumpkin coffee grinds, pumpkin spice syrup, cups, cardboard sleeves and a bunch of those green stick thingies that I’ll use to prevent spillage when transporting the coffee from one end of the bunker to another. I also have dozens of boxes of pumpkin muffin mix, you know, for sustenance. Unfortunately there's no room left in the bunker for my family. Oh well. We'll all have to make sacrifices in this new world order.