The Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl last night, but the big story was the 34-minute power outage that left viewers confused and annoyed. No, it wasn’t another hurricane or secret viral marketing for “Downton Abbey.” As it turns out, even this morning, nobody knows what happened. From ESPN:
Officials from Entergy, the utility company supplying power to the Superdome, said the outage occurred when sensing equipment detected an "abnormality" in the system.
FBI special agent Michael Anderson said terrorism was not the cause of the power outage and dismissed reports of a fire as a cause.
Some people are joking about Ray Lewis killing the lights, or tech geeks from San Francisco hacking the system. What people don’t realize is, this was a sign from a secret world society. No, not the Illuminati. The Delluminati. We’re a shadow organization made up of high-ranking individuals hell-bent on unenlightening the American public. Our lone mission to de-advance the world through any means possible. We strive to throw a wrench in the gears of progress and literally and figuratively shut off the lights on exceptionalism. Every time a young child opens a book, we are there to close it. Every time AMC comes out with a thoughtful drama, we are there to release another “NCIS Los Angeles.” Every time the country enjoys a spectacular display of sportsmanship, we are there to trip an unidentified abnormality in the power grid. We have members in many powerful locations: government, Hollywood, even sports. Members like Britney Spears, Larry the Cable Guy, the Kardashians and the Real Housewives. All those Congressmen who talked about rape during the election? That was us. Every rapper ever? Us. Who do you think helped get Sarah Palin nominated for Vice President? We sponsor every late-night infomercial and we run almost every YouTube comments section. In short, we are everywhere. So when you turn on a light, know that the Delluminati is nearby, with a pair of pliers on the circuit breaker, ready to pounce at any moment. You have been warned.