By Tom Z
1:18 PM EST, December 31, 2012
Melissa Nelson, a dental assistant in Iowa, was recently fired. Why, you ask? Because her male boss found her “irresistible.” The boss, James Knight, claimed that Nelson and her good looks represented a threat to his marriage. That’s Nelson, pictured above (the blond lady, not the 6-year old child). Nelson sued the practice, claiming that she was fired for being a woman, and that she’s not irresistible but rather a solid 7 out of 10. She didn’t actually say that, but it’s sort of implied when you file a lawsuit like this. An Iowa court has upheld the firing as lawful, and activists are claiming it as a victory for family values. So, if you have a cavity, and you like having ugly women stick their hands in your mouth, schedule an appointment with Dr. James Knight, DDS of Fort Dodge, Iowa today! From the Huffington Post:
The court ruled 7-0 that bosses can fire employees they see as an "irresistible attraction," even if the employees have not engaged in flirtatious behavior or otherwise done anything wrong. Such firings may be unfair, but they are not unlawful discrimination under the Iowa Civil Rights Act because they are motivated by feelings and emotions, not gender, Justice Edward Mansfield wrote.
This explains a lot. In 2008 I was laid off from my job. My boss said it was because the company was in financial trouble and my position was being eliminated. Now I realize he was just irresistibly attracted to me. Listen, I can’t fault the guy, I do have rock-hard abs and the charm of a 1800s con man. I just wish he would have been more upfront with me instead of blaming scapegoats like “the company’s stagnant growth” and “the failing American financial sector.” I know I have the sex appeal of Channing Tatum in a leopard-skin man thong, but if your marriage is built on a strong foundation, it’ll endure long after me and my 22-inch pythons have moved on to another corporation. Anyway, I've learned my lesson. I'm going to pack on 50 pounds, stop shaving and give myself a bowl haircut. In case this fiscal cliff thing doesn’t pan out, I need to make sure my body is recession-proof.
[Note: Posting on this blog has been sporadic recently because of the holidays. I'm off tomorrow then back in full force with daily posts starting Wednesday.]
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