A lot has been written about President Obama’s reelection, but none of it is half as entertaining as this article from NY Mag, in which the author asks Libertarian and Obama-hater Eric Dondero whether he would save a Democrat from drowning. You see, after Obama won, Dondero wrote a post at the website LibertarianRepublican.net where he vowed to boycott Democrats for life. Here is an excerpt from Dondero’s plan:
All family and friends, even close family and friends, who I know to be Democrats are hereby dead to me. I vow never to speak to them again for the rest of my life, or have any communications with them. They are in short, the enemies of liberty. They deserve nothing less than hatred and utter contempt.
I strongly urge all other libertarians to do the same. Are you married to someone who voted for Obama, have a girlfriend who voted 'O'. Divorce them. Break up with them without haste. Vow not to attend family functions, Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas for example, if there will be any family members in attendance who are Democrats.
Have a neighbor who votes for Obama? You could take a crap on their lawn. Then again, probably not a good idea since it would be technically illegal to do this. But you could have your dog take care of business. Not your fault if he just happens to choose that particular spot.
This inspired NY Mag to email Dondero with a series of hypothetical questions. The questions and Dondero’s replies are both amazing. Take the following, for example:
You come upon a neighbor — whom you know to be a Democrat — drowning in a lake. You're the only person in the vicinity. Do you help him?
Whew! Now that one is really, really tough. I honestly do not have an answer for that one. You could always be a smartass about it I suppose. Scream: "Hey Joe, you sure you're a Democrat? Just say the word, 'Obama sucks,' simple as that. Just mouth the words 'Obama sucks' and I'm in the water."
The whole article is amazing and you should read it immediately.
I was inspired by Dondero's pledge to boycott anything Democratic. You see, I was also greatly affected by a tragedy recently: Hurricane Sandy. After witnessing the devastation caused by that hurricane and the way it ripped America apart, I have decided to boycott weather. From now on, I will be living a weather-free life by doing all of the following things:
-Never watching the Weather Channel again
-Deleting the weather app from my iPhone
-Refusing to shovel snow. If there’s too much snow, I no longer will go to work.
-Blackening the windows in my house
-Throwing out all thermometers
-Setting my house thermostat set at 72 degrees year round so I never experience anything besides room temperature
-Wearing sunglasses and carrying an umbrella at all times. If there is too much wind or sideways rain I will encase myself in a plastic bubble and roll to my destination.
-Never have small talk with other people again, ever
-Cutting off ties with any family or friends who claim to enjoy sunshine
-Boycotting vegetables, as they use sunlight to grow
-Calling Cablevision and asking them to remove the Planet Earth HD channel from my cable package
-Throwing out all my Earth Wind & Fire CDs
-Getting rid of my Captain Planet videos
-Changing all my computer wallpapers and screensavers from nature themes to the generic Microsoft logo