UK authorities have just convicted three Al Qaeda operatives of plotting suicide attacks. During the trial and interrogation process, they learned about a number of new strategies that Al Qaeda was planning to use against the western world. Among those strategies: New bomb-making techniques, pyramid scheme-style training operations, and even a devious plan to put poisons in our face cream. From CNN:
The new strategy involves a teacher-training approach in which a select few Western operatives are taught bombmaking and other aspects of terrorist tradecraft in the tribal areas of Pakistan and are then instructed to return back to the West to "spread the knowledge" to a larger body of Islamist extremists keen on launching attacks.
They also were taught how to put poisons in face creams.
And their teachers emphasized they should put nails inside their bombs, to act as razor-sharp shrapnel.
I hate to give Al Qaeda credit but putting poison in face cream is a pretty genius idea. Most Americans are so vain that they would still use the face cream even if you told them ahead of time it was laced with poisonous chemicals. “Could kill me, or will kill me?” It’s a lose-lose for us. Either we ingest the deadly chemicals, or we stop using beauty products altogether. And if we’re not properly exfoliating, well, haven’t the terrorists won? Most people don’t know this, but Bin Laden’s original plan was to give all Americans dermatitis. Somewhere around ‘99 things got out of hand.
Follow @thefaketomz on Twitter
