I see you tossing and turning in bed. It is fascinating to me that I can I feel your worries. I watch your breathing. It starts to slow, as if to signal that rest and more importantly, your dreams will take over. But your mind and your sadness are so strong. Your mind wins again. So I wait.......
You were always a bad sleeper but now it is worse. I only sense hopelessness in you now. I understand why you could feel this way. You feel that we are separated. Yet, I know I am here. I AM HERE. So here I am filled with wonderment that I can feel content at this moment just watching and waiting for you to slip into the complete and utter darkness of sleep and into the the light of your dreams....closer to me.
I now know and someday you will learn that the slow ticking of time can seem like an eternity in the physical world until we see each other again - but really.... it is a blink of time compared to how long we will eventually spend together. I wish I could make you focus on that but I understand it hard to shake the sadness. The mind is a powerful thing, and the body, now I know, is so needy. I remember that feeling. Hard to shake, I recall but now I am free and light. My thoughts can move like lighting speed into the physical world. Most of my thoughts go unnoticed but sometimes, you grab on to them. I get your attention and for that fraction of a second we are joined and you smile with the possibility that we are together. To you these moments seem fleeting but for me, they are moments that you have gained a spark of understanding of what this is all about. Life, love, and living, is so much deeper that what your see physically. It what is felt, experienced and shared. US, picturing US under a huge tree of life, and when we want, we can pick off an apple and experience the juicy sweet taste, together. Our connection now, from your view is limited but for me is endless. When we connect now, you dismiss it as a memory, or coincidence and then in a blink of an eye heaviness, missing and grief wash over you again. I do not feel sad. I do not miss you because....
I watch you, in your half sleep. Your mind, it is full of the physical world, dipping and cresting like the ocean preparing for high tide. If only you could just release yourself to the concept that I am right here. As I watch you breath I try to seep into your pattern of sleep. You are falling deeper into rest and I decide to make my move and dive into your thoughts where I sense your regret about us, how I died, how matters where handled and how you did not get to say good bye.I work hard against your dream thoughts to send you this notion. That with all the matters that haunt you in your sleep about my death, you have forgotten that I lived.
I send you a hug and kiss in your dreams
and this wish....
That you remember I am always here, even when
you are distracted by the earthly problems of the day
And my love, my essence...is only...a heartbeat a way....
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